Written by
by Cloud Piece
Summary: Your favourite characters don't read fanfiction. No, they write fanfiction. One-shots written by your favourite characters. Chapter two: 'Eren, Mikasa and Levi live in a world plagued by dragons.' AU, written by Eren.
1. Sasha Braus

**I don't know where this came from. I had a lot of help from **Mon Esprit Libre**, so check out her work I guess. She's amazing/a whore.**

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Once upon a time there was a really gay and short clean-freak named Levi. Levi was the best soldier in the world and he could kill titans with his swag alone. He also is really kind and caring and stuff but not a lot of people know that because he acts like he's cold and rude and he once ate my bread that was really rude of him.

One day Levi was walking down the street and he bumped into Eren, who was walking with Mikasa. Eren blushed because he's really gay for Levi. Levi didn't blush because blushing is filthy.

"Hi Levi-heichou-sama!" Eren squeaked.

Levi grunted in return.

"Get the fuck out of the way," Mikasa interrupted, shoving Levi out of the way. She thinks that she's in love with Eren but she's actually in love with me - um, Sasha, and she wants to give Sasha all the bread and potatoes in the world she loves Sasha that much.

Eren gasped at Levi's bloody face. Mikasa just punched his beautiful face. "Omg, Mikasa, what the h*ck!" Eren cried, cradling the corporal's tiny body.

"He was a pussy," Mikasa stated calmly. She was calm because she's got swaggie. It is the next level of swag. Only a few people in the world have swaggie. The level after that is called Sasha Braus. Only Sasha Braus possesses Sasha Braus, for Sasha Braus is Sasha Braus and therefore is the entity of Sasha Braus, but if Sasha Braus didn't exist she would no longer be Sasha Braus but Sasha Braus, and Sasha Braus without Sasha Braus is simply potato girl. I - I mean, Sasha is not just comic relief! She has more swag than you!

Also, her name is not Sasha Blouse.

"Oh nope," Levi moaned seductively. "I'm bleeding. Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho."

Eren shook Levi's body gently. "Omg Levi-heichou-sama, are you okay?" Eren screamed into Levi's face. Levi felt horny. Screaming fifteen year olds turn him on. "Only foxes say 'hatee-hatee-hatee-ho'! Levi-heichou-sama, are you a fox? Have you lied to me this whole time?" Eren questioned, tears welling up in his beautiful blue eyes.

Levi rolled his own eyes. "Well-"

"Is everything a lie, heichou-sama-kun? Is _Jean _a fox?" Eren gasped with realisation. "Holy mackerel, Jean isn't a horse!" Eren let out a piercing scream, making Mikasa suddenly hit him on the head, making fall to the floor, before slamming stale bread into his mouth, which then caused the previously-welled-up tears fall from his truly beautiful eyes. However, Mikasa ignored that situation in favour of punching Levi because he wasn't a fox and was being a lying little shit.

Then Mikasa ripped off her top, revealing glorious sparkling abs and a sports bra. "I love you Eren," she declared, shoving Eren's face into her abs. Eren wailed beautifully as he was slammed against his adoptive sister's wonderful abs while Levi continued to talk like a fox.

"Stop it guys."

The trio stopped screaming/slamming/crying and glanced at the people approaching them. One of them was Armin and another was Jean. Behind them was Sasha, with her magnificent hair flowing with the wind, and eyes deeper than the wall if you stood on top of it and imagined that the top was the surface. Her flawless skin was perfect like always. Sasha Braus was perfect. Sasha Braus still is perfect. Mikasa doesn't know it yet but she's totally in love with Sasha Braus.

"Stop fighting," Armin ordered, holding up someone's severed hand. "Kill giants not love."

Mikasa and Levi started crying. Armin was so wisdomic… wisdomish…instupid… smart? Yeah, Armin was so smart.

Suddenly Eren ran towards Jean and bopped him. "Jean, I need to tell you something," Eren said.

Jean smiled, a crazed look in his eyes. "What is it, Eren?"

"You're not a horse."

Jean cried.

Sasha, the swaggest of everyone, walked over to Mikasa, the second swaggest. Mikasa blushed when she saw Sasha. _Nooo I'm not lesbian! _Mikasa hissed in her head.

"Hi Mikasa!" Sasha greeted cheerfully. Mikasa couldn't believe how beautiful Sasha was.

"H-hey, Sasha," Mikasa stammered, her heart pounding. Sasha skipped away sexily.

_I'm not lesbian I'm not lesbian I'm not lesbian I'm not lesbian I'm not lesbian _

"Sure you're not," came Ymir's voice. Mikasa glanced at her shoulder and widened her eyes. A mini Ymir was standing on her shoulder. "Yo, bitch."

"Ymir, don't be so mean!" Christa piped up from Mikasa's other shoulder. Mikasa shrugged and leaned against a wall, studying the interaction between the soldiers in front of her and her hallucinations. These hallucinations were actually called Lesbian Shoulder Lesbians.

"Mikasa, admit it," the mini-Ymir smirked, "you've got the hots for Sasha."

"Yeah I totally do," Mikasa admitted. Christa smiled and sparkles appeared around her.

Then Christa glided gracefully to Ymir and they started to do the sex on Mikasa's shoulder.

"Fuck off!" Mikasa snapped, slamming a hand on her shoulder. She cried out in pain; she just hit her own fucking shoulder. What an idiot. How could Sasha love her now? She felt like crying but she was much stronger than that. Wiping the Lesbian Shoulder Lesbians' remains on the wall, Mikasa decided to make her move.

Sasha grinned beautifully when she saw Mikasa nearing her.

"Sasha," Mikasa began, fiddling with her scarf. "Sasha, I… I love you."

"Oh Mikasa, I love you too!" Sasha cried, pulling Mikasa towards her. Their lips smashed together and they got married and then lived happily ever after.

* * *

"…The End."

Sasha grinned, glancing up from her book to the small crowd. Only Connie was applauding her, the rest were gaping at her with wide eyes.

"Sasha…" Eren began slowly. "Sasha, I'm not…gay."

Sasha laughed. "It's fanfiction, I can make you gay!"

Levi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I knew this was a bad idea."

"I liked me," Armin piped up.

"Where was I?" Reiner asked.

"That wasn't accurate." Mikasa crossed her arms.

"I'm not a what?"

"WE NEVER TOLD ANYONE WE WERE FRICKING HOW DID YOU KNOW?" Ymir screamed, gripping Christa's hand.

Sasha laughed again and skipped off the stage happily.

"So, whose next?" Armin question, his eyes scanning the crowd. Eren reluctantly held up his hand.

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**So this might become a series, if it gets good feedback.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Eren Jaeger

**I totally did not copy and paste my English assignment and changed the names. Eren is just very interested in AUs featuring dragons. I had help from **Mon Esprit Libre **and **Cana-Puff** in the original story. You guys are awesome.**

**Eren's fanfic**

**Title: **The Dragon Hunter

**Type: **AU

**Characters: **Eren, Mikasa and Levi

**Pairings: **None

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Fire rained down from the heavens. Villagers and soldiers alike watched in horror as the houses lit up in flames. Parents screamed as their children burnt until they were but small charred corpses. The monster in the heavens gave a mighty roar and spread its wings.

Eren Jaeger, a young warrior, stared coldly at the sky. He was a young man with short brown hair and wide blue eyes. Eren grew up with his friend Mikasa in a small town called Maria. One day, a dragon flew to their home and destroyed it, killing his mother and family. He swore revenge on the dragons. He tightly gripped the hilt of his sword Zuhalter until his knuckles turned white. He felt the ash around his lungs and resisted the urge to cough. He was prepared to attack, to slash at the monster. "I'll kill you…" he growled. He wiped away the ash underneath his eyes with his other hand.

This young warrior was one among the many racing around the town of Trost. Most of them were attempting to rescue the civilians, however the few courageous (or reckless) enough were shooting arrows at the beast. These men and women belonged to the Wings of Freedom, a legion dedicated to cleansing the world of the terrifying dragons once and for all.

The monster continued to rampage around the town, breathing fire and smashing homes with desperate families cowering for survival inside.

"I'll kill all the dragons!" Eren screamed in rage. "Every single last one! I swear I'll-"

"Calm down," Mikasa interrupted calmly. Mikasa was a tall girl with pitch black hair. Freckles dotted her face. She was Eren's best friend, and the only person who could calm him down. It was because of this that she was assigned as Eren's partner, as he did have a _slight _anger problem. She patted Eren on his shoulder and sheathed her own sword. "We can't rush into battle without a plan, it's suicide. We should run for cover, and then attack."

Eren clenched his fists and nodded reluctantly, rushing into the Sina Forest with Mikasa trailing behind. He wanted nothing more than to see the dragon's corpse on the ground, but even he knew that rushing into battle would cost him and his friends their lives. It would be illogical to barge straight into battle without a strategy in a country run by dragons. Soon the two warriors were on the highest branch of a tall elm tree. They both ignored the flames below them, instead focusing on the rampaging beast.

Eren sighed and turned around to Mikasa. "I wish we were fighting titans instead of dragons. We would have a fighting chance then, and that way..."

_That way Mother might not be a pile of ashes, _he added as an afterthought, but he knew he didn't need to say it out loud. Mikasa knew exactly what he was thinking.

Titans were giant, terrifying beings that plagued the southern hemisphere, where dragons would not dare enter, due to the cold climate. Titans had heard about them when he was but a trainee. Funnily enough, the same day he heard about them was the same day he first fought a dragon.

His mind flashed back to the day he first fought a dragon. It was not a fire-type like the one above them. No, it was the legendary Colossal Dragon, a sixty-metre long beast that could wipe out entire fortresses with a flick of its muscular tail. Of course, Eren could not hope to defeat it; he was but a boy back then. The Colossal Dragon was actually the first dragon to bring down the once indestructible castle. The castle was as big as a country, and people lived and prospered for two hundred years in the walls. Until the day the Colossal Dragon appeared and destroyed it, of course.

"Jaeger!" A deep voice interrupted his thoughts. Eren straightened up when he recognized it; it was Levi, the captain and sniper of the Burning Arrows, the strongest team in the Wings of Freedom. He was carrying a bow and a quiver. He fired an arrow at the dragon.

At first, Levi didn't look like the typical heroic figure the public seemed to idolise him as. For one, he was as cold and hard as stone, and seemed to think everyone below him. The more Eren fought with him, the more he saw the _real _Levi. Beneath the cold demeanour was a sympathetic man who cared for his comrades more than anyone in the legion.

"Sir!" Eren thumped his right hand against his chest in respect. Mikasa repeated the action.

"Look sharp," the captain snapped, loading another arrow as he spoke. "We're losing soldiers, fast."

"Do we have a plan, sir?"

Levi dropped his head, almost in defeat. "We have nothing. The dragon is too far up. We can fire as many arrows as we can at it, but until it comes down here we're done for sure."

"The world is a cruel place," Mikasa murmured, shifting her gaze back at the dragon. She slowly nodded her head up and down. A small smile crept its way onto her face. Eren frowned in confusion. _Does she have a plan?_

It looked like Levi was thinking along the same lines as Eren, as he had poked Mikasa with the back of an arrow and ordered her to speak.

"It is the prey," she gestured to the dragon, "and we are the hunters." Her smile grew into a wild grin, which only confused Levi and Eren even more. She rolled her eyes and pointed at Levi's arrows, then at his emergency rope. "Ever heard of a grappling hook? We could send Eren up, since he's the best with a sword, and then he can slay the beast."

The boys blinked. "That is… brilliant…" Eren breathed. "Mikasa, you're a genuis!"

Levi took out his rope and wrapped one end around Eren's wrist, and the other at the end of his strongest arrow. "Be careful, Jaeger," he said sternly. "Do not fail."

Eren nodded curtly. "I won't."

With one quick motion of Levi, he was flying through the air, directly to the dragon. He drew out Zuhalter.

"We will take back our land!" Eren roared. "Have a taste of mankind's strength, monster!"

* * *

Eren closed the book. "And that's it," he finished. "Uh, any questions?"

"HELL NO!" Reiner screamed from the back of the room. He threw a book at Eren in frustration. "First of all, there was no mention of anyone other than you three-" he pointed at Eren, Mikasa and Levi, "-and that's not cool at all. Bertholdt, Annie and I weren't mentioned in the Sasha's story and I've been like a big brother to you! Annie helped you in your hand to hand combat! Bertholdt… uh, Bertholdt…"

"I sing you to sleep every Thursday night you ungrateful bastard," Bertholdt cursed, shaking a fist.

"Yeah!" Reiner nodded. "And secondly, you can't end a story like that! In order for the readers to enjoy a satisfying conclusion to the story, there must _be_ a conclusion! You can't just stop writing at any random point, it's not being faithful to your readers!"

"I do what I want," Eren said. He took a bow. "Mikasa, I believe you're next."

Mikasa nodded, clutching a thin book in her hand.

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**Not as funny as the first one but that was what I had ready.**

**Next time:**

Mikasa writes about Sasha.

**Since a lot of reviewers were requesting it :)**


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